Today Is the Beginning of Our Salvation

Sometimes, when a friend mentions how she just can't wait for her mom to visit or how they're best friends and love doing everything together, I get a little sick at my stomach.  I mean, I think that's great for them, it's just not my experience.  The sound of my mother's voice makes me want to hide under the covers and never come out.  Her touch feels intrusive, like she's a parasite trying to suck something out of me.  So the concept of having a good time with my mother is foreign to me, just as the idea that I could be a happy person without talking to my mother for three months often makes no sense to someone else.  So, I don't really bring it up much unless someone asks me about it first. 

Growing up, it really never even occurred to me that other people's mothers didn't yell at them for hours at a time or call them terrible names, that their parents didn't spend their evenings screaming and cursing at one another, that their mothers didn't burst into uncontrollable tears for no predictable reason and then blame them for it.   I felt like a failure as a Christian and a daughter for constantly making mistakes and disrespecting my mother, for never being good enough to make her happy.  I thought it was my fault she acted the way she did, even after I started to realize her behavior didn't make a lot of sense.  I was well into my twenties before I was able to accept that I had grown up in abusive home.

It's taken a lot of work to learn how to deal with that, psychologically, spiritually, and practically.  And I'm still learning.  I am deeply grateful to Christ Jesus with giving me what I need in order to heal, including a supportive husband, a prayerful priest, understanding friends, and sacramental grace.  But I think one of the most important things He has done is to share His own mother with me.

I don't really know that I would be able to articulate how wonderful she is without writing several pages, and I really want to keep this shorter.  I will just say that she is everything I need a mother to be.   The New Eve is the greatest example of what it can be like to allow The Most Holy Trinity to transform us into Their likeness.  Where the corruption of this world results in people who live in a constant state of turmoil, she is peaceful.  While humanity is vengeful and abusive, she is patient and tender.  She prays for us, weeps over us, and protects us.  She wants us to grow and guides us towards her Son.  Even though I don't have a perfect biological model for how to be a good mother, I have the Theotokos.   She is a great source of strength and comfort to me.  It helps tremendously to know that the first person to ever say yes to the incarnate Christ is still around saying prayers for me and my children.

Today we celebrate that moment when the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, when a young Virgin made our salvation possible.  On days like today, I begin to understand the joy my friends feel when they think about seeing their moms again.  It feels right to walk into the church to honor and celebrate her, and to thank her for all she has done for us as she participates with the Most Holy Trinity in the restoration of humanity.  It's really nice to have such a beautiful and wonderful mother.

Icon of the Annunciation, from www.oca.org

Troparion for the Annunciation

Today is the beginning of our salvation,

The revelation of the eternal mystery!

The Son of God becomes the Son of the Virgin

As Gabriel announces the coming of Grace.

Together with him let us cry to the Theotokos:

Rejoice, O Full of Grace,

The Lord is with You!