Violence Unsilenced

My husband keeps asking me when I’m going to post again. I keep telling him I’ve got a post half-written--which is true, I do--but since it’s taking me longer than anticipated to finish, I want to share with you a post from a much, much more important blog.

I first found ViolenceUnsilenced in the blogroll of a friend’s personal blog. It is a place where survivors of all kinds of abuse--especially sexual or domestic--can share what happened to them, a place where they can be empowered to speak up and speak out, often for the very first time. Even if you have never been abused, the survivors’ stories are difficult to read; I can rarely make it through more than two or three at a time. In the archives, I found this question-and-answer post that I think is a must-read. 
 
If you don't want to click all the way over--even though I urge you to--here is the most important excerpt:
 

"...Yes, from the outsider’s perspective, there can be a wide, muddy line between a relationship that is abusive and one that is simply unhappy. Some of the signs may be similar, but at their roots, they are very different.

Below is a starter list of some of those subtler signs of abuse. This list is not exclusive, nor do any of these signs necessarily mean abuse is occurring. But these are signs to watch for, characteristics that should snag your attention and make you think:

■A need to make the relationship appear perfect to friends and family

■Worry over saying the wrong thing

■Needing to get permission from one’s partner before taking action

■Unease over making decisions on one’s own

■Excessive excuse-making for the partner’s behavior

■Unwillingness (or inability) to disagree with one’s partner in public

■Any exhibition, however subtle, of fear or anxiety in the presence of one’s partner

■Any statement like, “My partner would never let me do that,” or “Oh no, my partner is going to be really angry,” or “My partner doesn’t let me [fill in the blank].”

■Excessive canceling of social engagements, paired with excuses that strike you as off

■Flinching easily; regularly appearing distracted or overly anxious

■Disengaging from activities or hobbies they once enjoyed

■Being regularly late to work; making mistakes or forgetting things in a way that is out of character

■Suddenly becoming overly private or withdrawn"

Many of these qualities are present in a friend of mine.  I haven't seen her or heard from her in a long time; the last two times we made plans to get together, she simply didn't show up.  I'm planning to try to see her again soon, and I'm hoping to find an opportunity to talk to her about this.  If you suspect someone you know might be a victim, there is also a great post about how to help her or him, and the site also has a great Resources tab.