Today Is the Beginning of Our Salvation

Sometimes, when a friend mentions how she just can't wait for her mom to visit or how they're best friends and love doing everything together, I get a little sick at my stomach.  I mean, I think that's great for them, it's just not my experience.  The sound of my mother's voice makes me want to hide under the covers and never come out.  Her touch feels intrusive, like she's a parasite trying to suck something out of me.  So the concept of having a good time with my mother is foreign to me, just as the idea that I could be a happy person without talking to my mother for three months often makes no sense to someone else.  So, I don't really bring it up much unless someone asks me about it first. 

Growing up, it really never even occurred to me that other people's mothers didn't yell at them for hours at a time or call them terrible names, that their parents didn't spend their evenings screaming and cursing at one another, that their mothers didn't burst into uncontrollable tears for no predictable reason and then blame them for it.   I felt like a failure as a Christian and a daughter for constantly making mistakes and disrespecting my mother, for never being good enough to make her happy.  I thought it was my fault she acted the way she did, even after I started to realize her behavior didn't make a lot of sense.  I was well into my twenties before I was able to accept that I had grown up in abusive home.

It's taken a lot of work to learn how to deal with that, psychologically, spiritually, and practically.  And I'm still learning.  I am deeply grateful to Christ Jesus with giving me what I need in order to heal, including a supportive husband, a prayerful priest, understanding friends, and sacramental grace.  But I think one of the most important things He has done is to share His own mother with me.

I don't really know that I would be able to articulate how wonderful she is without writing several pages, and I really want to keep this shorter.  I will just say that she is everything I need a mother to be.   The New Eve is the greatest example of what it can be like to allow The Most Holy Trinity to transform us into Their likeness.  Where the corruption of this world results in people who live in a constant state of turmoil, she is peaceful.  While humanity is vengeful and abusive, she is patient and tender.  She prays for us, weeps over us, and protects us.  She wants us to grow and guides us towards her Son.  Even though I don't have a perfect biological model for how to be a good mother, I have the Theotokos.   She is a great source of strength and comfort to me.  It helps tremendously to know that the first person to ever say yes to the incarnate Christ is still around saying prayers for me and my children.

Today we celebrate that moment when the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, when a young Virgin made our salvation possible.  On days like today, I begin to understand the joy my friends feel when they think about seeing their moms again.  It feels right to walk into the church to honor and celebrate her, and to thank her for all she has done for us as she participates with the Most Holy Trinity in the restoration of humanity.  It's really nice to have such a beautiful and wonderful mother.

Icon of the Annunciation, from www.oca.org

Troparion for the Annunciation

Today is the beginning of our salvation,

The revelation of the eternal mystery!

The Son of God becomes the Son of the Virgin

As Gabriel announces the coming of Grace.

Together with him let us cry to the Theotokos:

Rejoice, O Full of Grace,

The Lord is with You!

Violence Unsilenced

My husband keeps asking me when I’m going to post again. I keep telling him I’ve got a post half-written--which is true, I do--but since it’s taking me longer than anticipated to finish, I want to share with you a post from a much, much more important blog.

I first found ViolenceUnsilenced in the blogroll of a friend’s personal blog. It is a place where survivors of all kinds of abuse--especially sexual or domestic--can share what happened to them, a place where they can be empowered to speak up and speak out, often for the very first time. Even if you have never been abused, the survivors’ stories are difficult to read; I can rarely make it through more than two or three at a time. In the archives, I found this question-and-answer post that I think is a must-read. 
 
If you don't want to click all the way over--even though I urge you to--here is the most important excerpt:
 

"...Yes, from the outsider’s perspective, there can be a wide, muddy line between a relationship that is abusive and one that is simply unhappy. Some of the signs may be similar, but at their roots, they are very different.

Below is a starter list of some of those subtler signs of abuse. This list is not exclusive, nor do any of these signs necessarily mean abuse is occurring. But these are signs to watch for, characteristics that should snag your attention and make you think:

■A need to make the relationship appear perfect to friends and family

■Worry over saying the wrong thing

■Needing to get permission from one’s partner before taking action

■Unease over making decisions on one’s own

■Excessive excuse-making for the partner’s behavior

■Unwillingness (or inability) to disagree with one’s partner in public

■Any exhibition, however subtle, of fear or anxiety in the presence of one’s partner

■Any statement like, “My partner would never let me do that,” or “Oh no, my partner is going to be really angry,” or “My partner doesn’t let me [fill in the blank].”

■Excessive canceling of social engagements, paired with excuses that strike you as off

■Flinching easily; regularly appearing distracted or overly anxious

■Disengaging from activities or hobbies they once enjoyed

■Being regularly late to work; making mistakes or forgetting things in a way that is out of character

■Suddenly becoming overly private or withdrawn"

Many of these qualities are present in a friend of mine.  I haven't seen her or heard from her in a long time; the last two times we made plans to get together, she simply didn't show up.  I'm planning to try to see her again soon, and I'm hoping to find an opportunity to talk to her about this.  If you suspect someone you know might be a victim, there is also a great post about how to help her or him, and the site also has a great Resources tab.